I used to think that I had nothing to say of interest to anyone, nothing worth paying attention to, nothing that would contribute and nothing that held value.
I kept what was in my heart locked away. It was silent yet strangely loud. It was loud because deep down I knew that what I had was of value and was equally as important and worthy of being heard. My heart was shouting to be heard, shouting to be felt and it was hungry!
I became very skilled at the art of observation, feeling a room, not competing to be heard and waiting for that sweet spot of a moment to inject my carefully chosen words. Yet, I was still hungry.
Deep down, I was fighting with gremlins of not feeling worthy, not feeling enough and not feeling deserving. The longer I kept feeding those gremlins by not living from my heart, the longer I was starving it.
In fact, I wasn’t just starving my heart; I was starving my body too.
The gremlins would take over my ability to execute a healthy life. I had a bad habit of refusing and restricting what I nourished my body with and this was steeped in the lie I was telling myself that I wasn’t enough. If I wasn’t enough then I wouldn’t weigh enough! I was justifying matching the inside with the outside. I would tell the lie of “I forgot to eat” or “I skipped lunch because of bad time management.”
Who did I think I was fooling?! I was holding onto this that didn't serve me and holding onto things that I couldn't change.
I was making these choices; I was making these decisions to live this way knowing full well what they consequences would be. I was attempting to control what I couldn’t instead of controlling what I could. And what I could control was how I thought and felt. Everything else was not my concern or my responsibility to react to.
I learned that I could control how I responded and related to the past, the present and the future. I had the power to change how I relate. I had that choice.
So, today I choose differently. I choose to practice present moment awareness which enable me to stay connected to my heart, my courage and my ability to choose. In every moment there is a choice – good or not as good as we would like – there is always a choice. How do we practice this?
By listening to our hearts and looking inside ourselves for the answers and not anywhere else, by feeling grounded in who we are, by showing ourselves love and accepting ourselves exactly as we are in this moment and by knowing our worth.
How do we get started with this? Easier said than done, right?!
We start from where we are and build from there. We start with courage and connection. We start with our hearts.
Have you ever felt this way?
Are you hustling to control things in your life that are outside of your control?
Have you been holding onto things that you can't change?
Do you want to let go of living this way?
If you do, I have a beautiful one day signature workshop on how to let go of the things we can’t change, a journey of living from the heart and finding emotional freedom.
Come and join me and like-minded souls and start your journey back to you. Come and feed your heart.
The best gift you can give to yourself and the people in your world is you.