Come As You Are

Today I saw a post on Facebook for Pinks VMA award presentation and the speech she gave. This reminded me of several things that resonate not only with me but with my clients as well. I was reminded of the constant belittling we subject ourselves to every day that hold us back from being our true and authentic selves. Whether you are gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, androgynous, any race or colour, male or female; there is a better more wholehearted message we can all be giving ourselves.

So this is what Pinks 6 year old daughter told her one morning in the car on the way to school.

“I’m the ugliest girl I know. I look like a boy with long hair.”

Her response to this has inspired me to write this blog.

For many of us, growing up can be full of conflicting social messages, and if we don’t fit in to what is considered the socially accepted norm, reconciling our own perception of ourselves can be not only confusing but down right hard and sometimes torturous.

The difficulty could be routed in our identity, appearance, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, religion or a combination of several of these. Add to that; environment, prejudice, cruelty and ignorance, you have a cocktail of pressures that create belief systems and conditions of worth that follow us around like a dark shadow unless we challenge them, gain a deeper understanding and awareness so that we are able to unshackle them in order to live a lighter more fulfilled existence as who we truly are and were always meant to be.

If the messages we receive are continually telling us that we are not this or that enough, is it any wonder we start to live our lives with self-doubt, anxieties and lacking in self-belief?

Growing up I was your typical tomboy; up trees, scrapped knees, grass stains and short hair. I wanted to be The Bionic Man, Spider Man, an Astronaut (which only men could be back then) a police man, you name it. If it was action packed and involved any kind of cool uniform or extreme physicality I wanted to do or be that. I was so confused why I wasn’t a boy and I was even more confused that just because I was a girl I wasn’t allowed to do or be so many things.

However this doesn’t only apply to someone who feels they were supposed to be something other than how they find themselves to be. It applies to all the conditions and boxes that society is so ready to place us in: Too thin, too big, too short, too tall, too light, too dark, too manly, too feminine, too shy or too loud. The list is long. You get the idea. So then it becomes a stream of unconscious self-criticism that we subject ourselves to because we don’t feel “right” and our self-worth diminishes little by little.

Dr. Brene Brown an American shame researcher says that “When we allow ourselves to become culturally conditioned to believe that we are not enough and we don’t make enough or have enough it damages the soul”. There is a relationship between media images and cultural conditioning to actual problems in society.

This is where the challenge lies and where the magic is waiting for you. There is no “right”, there is only you. You are unique and complete as you are.

Pink’s response to her daughter’s thoughts was this:

“We don’t change. We take the gravel in the shell and we make a pearl, and we help other people to change so that they can see more kinds of beauty.”

I run Body Confidence Coaching Workshops called “Come As You Are” that address some of these aspects that hold us back from living a more wholehearted and self-compassionate life. They enable you to gain a better understanding of what, why and how you talk to yourself, the impact this is having and how to start making positive changes and break the pattern that you may find yourself in.

The next workshop is in one month, and I will be announcing the location, time and date very soon.

If there is a specific area that you would like me to cover so that I can make sure that the workshop speaks to everyone who comes – contact me and let me know.

You can either: email, call, message me on Facebook or via my website.


Tel: 07835 282442

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